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Last beating of abuse victim was videotaped

If you've ever been screamed at, humiliated, hit -- or know someone who has -- you're not alone. Every year, one out of every four women in America is abused by her partner.


Susan's 13-year-old son videotaped his mother being beaten by his father.

1 of 2 When Susan married her longtime boyfriend, Ulner Lee Still, in 1989, she never imagined that she'd be included in that statistic. They dated for years before walking down the aisle, and although she says Ulner was overprotective and controlling at times, she says she believed he was the love of her life.

Once they were married, she says things began to escalate at home. Susan says her husband abused her verbally and psychologically nearly every day of their marriage ... even when their three children were present. Often, Susan says Ulner made audio recordings of his tirades so that he could listen to them later.

For years, Susan says Ulner told her that she was stupid, alienated her from her family and accused her of being a bad mother. "There were times when I absolutely thought I was stupid. There were times that he absolutely had convinced me that I was a terrible mother," she says. Oprah.com: How to heal your teens

Then, after being married for more than 10 years, the emotional abuse took a violent turn. For the last two years of their marriage, Susan says she endured regular beatings at the hands of her husband. She says anything could set him off. "When you're in that life -- in that state of mind -- it's hard to make a decision over the simplest things," she says. "It's hard for you to walk across the room and make sure you're walking across the room the right way."

Domestic abuse is a crime that happens behind closed doors and is rarely, if ever, seen ... until now.

One Sunday afternoon in 2003, Susan says her husband became enraged when she asked him if she could fix him a sandwich for lunch. He went in search of his audio recorder to tape his verbal assault. When he couldn't find it, Susan says he chose the next best thing -- a video camera.

During the first 40 minutes of the video, Ulner screams insults at his wife of 14 years and threatens her with physical violence.

"You play those stupid games with me, I'll knock your teeth out of your face. ... I'm going to knock your head across that wall," he tells Susan as their sons look on. Oprah.com: Susan's children speak out about her abuse

At first, Susan stands silently in the room with her head bowed. Looking back, she says she was trying to come up with a way to calm her husband down. "My mind was racing to find the right answer -- to find the answer that was going to make him happy for that second, to appease him so he wouldn't start hitting," she says.

Nothing she says works. Ulner punches, kicks and slaps his wife repeatedly during the final 10 minutes of the video. As he throws her around the room, he demands Susan's obedience. "You've been taught what to say to me, heifer," he says. "You follow what I say to the T."

In all, he calls her "stupid" 23 times and "heifer" 28 times in less than an hour.

After the camera stopped rolling, Susan says Ulner sent their son to the kitchen to get ice for her bruises. Then, Susan says she showered and spent the rest of the day downstairs, doing laundry and trying to stay far from her husband.

Susan's oldest son didn't just operate the video camera during the verbal and physical assault, he is also heard speaking in support of his father's actions. Over the years, Susan says Ulner brainwashed all three of their children and forced them to participate in her abuse.

On one occasion, Susan says she said something that made her husband so angry that he demanded a family meeting. "He called all the kids in the room ... and he made them call me a 'white ho slut' in unison," she says. "He would tell them when to start, and he would tell them to repeat. ... In my mind, I was screaming, 'That's not what I am. That's not what I am. How can you do this? How can you have my children do this to me?'"

Susan says she was devastated by her children's actions, but she understands why they did it. "I knew that my children needed to do what they needed to do to survive in that house," she says. "If that meant they needed to side with the power, then that's what they had to do."

The same day the video was shot, Susan made a fateful decision. As she was sitting in a room with her oldest son, her husband gestured toward her. "He looked at my son and he said, 'You see, that. That's the road you're headed down if you don't straighten up,'" Susan says.

With that comment, she says she came to the realization that Ulner could possibly end up killing her. So Susan made the decision to leave.

When Susan got to work the next day, she was covered in bruises from the previous day's beating. When Lynne, her friend and boss who knew about the abuse, came over to check on her, Susan says she said, "Today is the day."

Lynne called the police. "They came to my job, they took pictures, and we developed a plan," Susan says. "[I needed] time to decide, where are we going to go? What are we going to do? We had nowhere."

As Susan fled with her sons, Ulner called her repeatedly, trying to track her down. Police recorded the phone calls to document his violent threats. In one he screamed at her, "If you don't bring my son home, I'm going to kill you, heifer."

After years of abusing his wife, Ulner was finally arrested. At trial, Ulner's behavior shocked the prosecutor, Lisa Bloch Rodwin. "I've never seen such arrogance," she says.

"He was making eye contact with the female jurors and trying to look like he was king of the world and that he could control them the way he controlled everybody else. ... When he was interviewed by the probation department, he blamed Susan for putting him in this position. But the judge said to him, 'You still don't get it. You have destroyed these children. You have destroyed this woman.'"

In her closing arguments, Lisa played the videotape for the jury one more time. "What I said to the jury is, 'He keeps saying, I have to teach you.' And I asked the jury to teach him."

They did, finding Ulner guilty of 12 counts of assault and two counts of endangering the welfare of a child. The judge sentenced him to 36 years in prison -- reportedly the longest sentence ever given for this kind of domestic violence. He's not eligible for parole until 2022.

Lisa emphasizes that while the 51-minute videotape put a horrific face on the abuse, it was not the most important piece of evidence in the case. "That videotape shows a misdemeanor assault punishable by up to only one year in jail," she says. "You don't need a videotape. You need to document your injuries."

Ulner got such a stiff sentence, she says, because of the numerous times -- not recorded on any tape -- he beat Susan with items like books and belts. "Those dangerous instruments make it a felony," Lisa says.

Susan didn't keep records of her abuse...but Lynne, her vigilant boss, did. Oprah.com: Suspect abuse? What you can do to help

When Lynne began noticing signs of abuse in Susan, she wanted to make sure she wasn't overreacting. So she started making notes in a calendar every time she witnessed a sign of abuse -- the appearance of bruises, Susan acting withdrawn, coming to work late or being frequently absent.

Lynne even overheard Susan call Ulner "Master" in her frequent phone calls to check in with him.

"One of the huge tips to me was there was a time that [Ulner] had to leave town for a while. And while he was gone, she was a different person," Lynne says. "She was, you know, free and comfortable."

When she thinks of the tape of her own violent beating, Susan refers to the woman in it as a different person from herself -- calling her "she" rather than "I."

"She's a different person to me, but she's very much a part of this person here," Susan says. "I look at her and I think, 'How could you have let yourself get to that state? How could you have let this happen to you?' But I know how I did. So I guess she's a different person to me now. But I know she's here and she's helped me be who I am today."

Abuse comes in many forms -- yet it does not have to be as physically violent as this videotape to still be destructive. Sometimes the abuse is emotional control and isolation from family and friends. Other times, it consists of name-calling and humiliation, economic control or threats of violence.

Recognizing the signs of abuse -- especially in instances where physical violence is not involved -- is not easy, sometimes even for those being abused. Oprah.com: Get the signs of domestic violence

If you think you or someone you know is being abused, it's important to tell someone before it's too late.

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(CNN) -- Do you remember the scene in the movie "Something's Gotta Give" where Jack Nicholson's character lies about Viagra to a doctor in the emergency room?

Jack Nicholson in "Something's Gotta Give" denies having taken Viagra -- a move that could've killed him.

He'd just had a heart attack after romancing a (much younger) woman, and the doctor is furiously calling out orders to give him aspirin, blood pressure drugs, and ... nitroglycerine.

"Mr. Sanborn, did you take any Viagra today?" the doctor asks as the nurses load him up with the medicines.

"No. No Viagra," he says.

"Okay, good. Just need to be sure. Because I put nitroglycerin into your drip. And if you'd taken Viagra, the combination could be fatal," the doctor warns.

Cut to Nicholson, who rips the IV out of his arm.

Hollywood got it right: It can be deadly to lie to your doctor. Your doctor "must know everything about you, even if the discussion feels a bit uncomfortable," says Dr. Bernard Kaminetsky, the medical director of MDVIP, a group of boutique medicine doctors with headquarters in Boca Raton, Florida. "What you omit may be the key to a diagnosis."

From finances to sex, bathroom habits to spousal relationships, herbs to illicit drugs, here are 10 things about which you should always be open with your doctor.

Don't hide from your doctor the fact that you:

1. Smoke, drink excessively, do illegal drugs

No one's proud of any of the above, but your doctor needs to know. He can't accurately diagnose and treat your health problems if you hide your substance abuse. "Remember, there are strict privacy laws between patient and doctor, so the information is not going to be shared," Kaminetsky says.

2. Have peeing or pooping issues

"I once had a patient who literally died of embarrassment," Rackner says. "She had blood in her stool, but she was too embarrassed to tell her doctor. A year later she was in terrible abdominal pain, and did go see her doctor. It was colon cancer, and it had spread to other parts of her body." The patient came to see Rackner, but it was too late to do surgery. She died six months later.

"As children, we're taught 'Don't talk about poop. That's potty talk.' So on some level we don't like to talk about these things," Rackner says. "But if she'd brought up the blood in her stool to her doctor, [the cancer] would probably have been at an early stage and she could have been cured."

3. Take herbs

You might feel like your doctor looks down on herbs and other forms of alternative medicine, and there's a good chance you're right; many M.D.'s are dismissive of alternative medicine. But even if you fear seeing your doctor's eyes roll back in her head, tell her about the supplements you're taking. Certain herbs don't mix well with certain medications, so she needs to know.

4. See a chiropractor or an alternative healer

See above about the eye-roll you might get if you tell your doctor you're seeing a chiropractor. But if you're having neck pain, it would help your doctor to know that just a few days ago your chiropractor adjusted your neck.

5. Are having financial troubles

"Money is the ultimate taboo," Rackner says. "We have no idea how to talk about money." But talk about it we must, she says. For example, if your doctor recommends a procedure you can't afford, just say so. You might be able to work something out with the doctor. "Patients can offer to set up payment plans for expensive procedures and pay over time rather than a lump sum," says Dr. Lisa Forbess, assistant professor of cardiology at the University of Texas Southwestern Medical School in Dallas, Texas.

6. Want cheap medicine

If you want a cheaper medicine than the one your doctor prescribes, don't be embarrassed to say so. Rackner says for $4 you can buy a list of the generic drugs. Ask your doctor if something on the list could work as well as the one he's suggesting.

7. Feel depressed or anxious or stressed out

Along with money, many people have trouble talking about their feelings. "Depression is a serious disease and a lot of patients hesitate to tell their physician because because they think it's embarrassing, or the problem will go away by itself," Kaminetsky says. "Depression is too dangerous to keep a secret."

8. Defied the doctor's orders

When your gynecologist asks if you are doing your breast exams every month, don't lie and nod your head. Admit that you're not. Perhaps she'll come up with a way to make it easier to remember. Same goes for medicines: If you're bad about taking the drugs your doctor prescribed, she needs to know. This isn't school; you won't be punished.

9. Don't exercise and eat badly

If cupcakes are your best friend and you haven't exercised since the last century, just admit it. Perhaps together you and your doctor can come up with ways to develop better habits.


One of Kaminetsky's patients hesitated to tell him that he was experiencing subtle and occasional difficulty in swallowing. "The patient thought it was so minor and inconsequential that he didn't want to waste the doctor's time mentioning it," Kaminetsky says. But in the end, the patient did mention his symptoms and Kaminetsky says he was able to diagnose early -- and curable -- esophageal cancer.

So how do you get the guts to admit these things to your doctor? "You can just say to the doctor, 'Hey, this is embarrassing for me to talk about. This is hard for me. This is a taboo topic,' " Rackner suggests.


Another option: Tell the nurse, if you feel like you connect with her better.

A third idea: "If your doctor does e-mail, try that, or just write a note," says Rackner. "Some people do better writing things than saying