Ponderisms

Can you cry under water?



How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?



Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. But it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?



Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?



Why does a round pizza come in a square box?



What disease did cured ham actually have?



How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?



Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?



If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?



Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?



Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?



Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.



Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?



Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?



If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?



Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?



If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?



Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!



If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?



If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?



If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?



Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?



Why did you just try singing the two songs above?



Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?



Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

The perfect Girl

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NbnE6jb4VUM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flub8vnfFiI

FUnnnyyyy

Life without danger is a waste of oxygen.


I fought the lawn, and the lawn won!


Life in a vacuum sucks


You'll get what's coming to you ... Unless mailed


Two wrongs are only the beginning.


You're only young once; you can be immature f'ever.


"Suicide Hotline...please hold."


All work and no play, will make you a manager.


As I said before, I never repeat myself.


A diplomat thinks twice before saying nothing..


Computer Lie #1: You'll never use all that disk space.


Don't confuse me with facts, my mind's already made up.


Don't talk unless you can improve the silence.


Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.


I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I'm perfect.


Just what part of "NO" didn't you understand...?


hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPSLOCK KEY?


Sign on baby's bib: SPIT HAPPENS.


ASCII a stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!


A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.


Conserve energy... fart in a jar


Girl laid in tomb may soon become mummy..


I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow
isn't looking good either.


There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.

LISTEN UP!!!!

There are 3 kinds of people in this world...those you want things to happen, those that make things happen, and those who just wonder what the hell happened!

WHICH one are you? WHICH one do you want to be?