O, The Oprah Magazine Try one every day of the week, focus on one at a time, do whatever you like with them—but do take them all to heart.
1. Find Out What You Want
Are you meeting your partner's needs? Are your needs being met? What are they? After you know partner's needs, if you find yourselves still frustrated, realize that it's not that you can't meet your partner's needs, it's that you won't. Think about why you haven't yet.
2. Respect Your Partner
It shouldn't matter why your partner needs what he or she needs. Consider Dr. Phil's example: If one of your kids got up in the middle of the night and said, "I'm thirsty," would you just turn around and say, "Well, I'm not, so go back to bed"? The key is to appreciate your partner's individuality. Don't expect your partner to react exactly as you would; your partner isn't you!
3. What Message Do You Send?
Think about the message you are sending your partner when you don't acknowledge his or her wants. How does this make your partner feel? How would it make you feel?
4. Compromise.
Know that you can fulfill your partner's wants. But by prioritizing your needs alone, you're making the conscious decision to not to fulfil his or her wants. Try talking about both of your needs and wants. Find the middle ground.
5. Don't Forget Romance
Keep in mind that romance is an important element of marriage. Your partner might consider romance as the true measure of his or her value to your relationship. Be thoughtful and try doing something sweet for no apparent reason.
6. Remember the 4-minute rule
You can predict the rest of the night based on the first 4 minutes, so make those minutes count! Bring flowers. Greet each other with a compliment. Ask questions about your partner's day. Smile; it'll make a difference.
7. Open Up
Be communicative and expressive with your partner. Remember, sharing emotions is not weakness; it makes you whole.
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